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As children develop, they learn the skills to be polite, cooperative and helpful. Along the way, it is the duty of parents and daycare providers to encourage and support appropriate behaviors. Two childcare experts give excellent tips for reinforcing good behavior in toddlers.

Suzy Martyn, Parenting Consultant, Speaker, and author of Enjoy the Ride: Tools, Tips, and Inspiration for the Most Common Parenting Challenges provides the following suggestions:

1. Model the desired behavior. If a toddler sees the behavior naturally in a parent or teacher, they are much more apt to do it when directed so.
2. Encourage and affirm. It takes 7 positive statements to make up for a negative one so our children need to hear much more praise in order to accept any direction.
3. Intervene and guide earlier rather than later. Sometimes children can work out conflict or direct their own behavior in a positive manner but most of the time, they can benefit from an adult noticing early on when he/she needs some guidance, direction, and reminder in order to get them back on track before he/she gets too far off.
4. Read books, watch movies, and talk often about examples of good behavior.
5. Notice when someone is behaving well and comment about it. Make it something desirable to attain.
6. Start fresh after each conflict is resolved. Don’t bring up old mistakes or make children feel hopeless, criticized, or defeated.
7. Talk about your own experiences and how your good behavior brought about good things.

Zohra Sarwari, professional speaker, author, and home schooling mother of three, provides the following tips:

1. Sit with your child away from the fight, and ask questions.  Let your child answer the questions for you.  For example: When you toddler grabs a toy from someone else, ask him or her how they would feel if this happened to them?”  Give them a toy that belongs to you and ask them how would you like to give that back to me?  Should I grab it or ask you for it?
2. Make a chart for good deeds.  Every time they do a good deed check it on the chart.  Or put a sticker on the chart.
3. Explain to them how feelings work, and what makes us sad, and what makes us happy.  Ask them which feeling do they like most and which one do they not like?
4. Make sure that your toddler isn’t hungry or tired, and that is why they are acting out.  I always carry extra snacks, and make sure they take their nap, at nap time.
5. Always have many different activities available for your toddler.  An active mind is a happy mind.  I always make sure that I have books, puzzles, numbers, pencil and paper.
6. Ask them what is wrong?  Listen to them explain it to you, and then address the problem.  Many times as parents we jump to conclusions, and deal with a problem without knowing what the root problem is.  Take a few minutes, and find out what is really bothering your child.

Remember that no child is perfect and part and good behavior is a skill set that must developed. In the meantime, your best bet for dealing with behavior issues with toddlers in child care centers is to set clear boundaries, to be firm, calm when issues arise and always follow through. Consistency is the key. Then remember to emphasize and reinforce appropriate behaviors in order to encourage children on an appropriate behavioral path.

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Children usually feel unhappy because they think that they can’t do something that other kids can or that others do not like them. To work on this, greet the other children in the center when you drop off your child so that they will start coming up to you and your child to say hello. Make plans for playdates with the children from the center as the more involved your child becomes with his or her peers, the less likely they’d feel inferior or disliked.

When it comes to potty training, don’t stress out too much over something that you really cannot control. Potty training should be a pleasant experience and by stressing over it, the longer it will take. It is very important to discuss this matter with your childcare provider. Whatever method you are using for your child, the provider should also be willing to use as differences may create confusion for your child. If the provider cannot follow through, there is no point in pursuing potty training at this time. What is really needed here her open and honest communication between parent and provider.

Another issue on child behaviour is their attachment to a single staff or provider at the facility. Some kids develop close bonds with one of the providers, and sometimes, they would scream and cry when the carer is not around. What happens when a child starts to get clingy is that the other staff or teachers cannot calm the child whenever their favoured teacher goes out? You may find your child still crying and yelling at the top of his lungs when you go and pick him up in the afternoon because the teacher he liked had gone home from her shift. Though others may try to keep him calm and stop the crying it may never work.

With this sort of problem, the only clear solution to take is to change the child care arrangement. The child’s behavior of attaching to only one carer is a personality trait that is not something they will easily outgrow even if the mature out of the associated behaviour. You may first consider home daycare for your child until he or she is a bit older. This way even if he bonds with the provider, he would not feel felt out when he leaves.

Providing what your child needs to be safe and happy is the way for him to mature at his own pace and accept the changes to teachers and routines. You have to remember that it is a big challenge for your child to go to someone who is not his mom but does all the things mommy does.

Until your child reaches preschool age, he will not really understand differences in roles like the way his teacher steps in for Mommy. Once they are in preschool, they may still show this kind of behavior so a smaller setting maybe applicable. For some kids, this behavior stays even until regular school where one teacher is the norm, so they settle in quite nicely. There is not much to worry about this issue as long as the needs are being met emotionally.

Children need and want to have rules. A nurturing adult earns a child’s respect by being firm and fair in ways that remind children than they are protected by a steady and protective wall of reasonable limits surrounding them that keeps them safe. Kids don’t really need anger and retaliation. Anger can be a frightening emotion than can cause people to lose control. Nurturing adults should never hesitate to enforce appropriate rules fairly and firmly.

See: How to start a daycare business

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When one of the kids under your care starts mimicking behaviour that you don’t like and realizes that it he have learned it from other kids, take care not to criticise the other child. You have to realize that this kid probably admires the kids or a quality that the child has.

What you need to do is talk to him or her about his friend and make it clear to him that his friend is wonderful but it is his behavior that is not good. Tell this kid that everyone has bad habits and that what we need to do is to overcome them and not imitate them.

Bad Behavior Reports
Sometimes, a child would be an angel at home but acts aggressively at the day care or on other large group situations, this maybe because the child is overwhelmed by the situations.

Discuss with the parent and find out how and when incidences occur. The child may be acting this way to secure attention and even negative attention from his friends and the daycare providers. If the aggressive behaviour happens when someone is being given more attention, then the child may need to be moved to another procvider where there is a smaller group and where the child can have one on one attention.

Kids usually need this extra attention until they are ready emotionally to interact with larger groups. Kids mature emotionally at different rates and it is advisable to let them progress comfortably.

Praising Good Behavior
Whenever children in your daycare go out of their way to accomplish something special, be sure that you praise the outcome. Put the focus on their accomplishment rather than the child and help them understand that they can do anything they put their mind into.

When it comes to praises, always remember to accentuate the positive rather than constantly criticizing the child’s negative behaviour, praise his positive actions!

Separation Anxiety
For parents, be positive each time you prepare to leave your child in daycare. Make sure that it becomes a part of your ordinary routine and make that you don’t keep on issuing reminders like it is a special event. This will only heighten your child’s anxiety.

So when you go drop off your child in preschool or daycare, go in and say hi to the staff as well as the other kids and then say goodbye. Don’t stay too long or seem like in a hurry to be away from your child so as not to give them the impression that you are running away.

If your child is suffering from separation anxiety, you should be aware that though you have always came back for your child, they are unable to conceive the time can make your child fear your “disappearance.”

Your kid can overcome this issue by coming to realize that this is a normal routine. So establish a regular routine for getting ready to do to the center. It should be at the same time everyday so that it becomes something that your child can look forward to and learns that your coming back is a part of that regular routine.

As parents, we need to be a good model to children and show them the things we enjoy doing or learning – whatever we are passionate about whether it is reading, taking classes or doing hobbies and crafts. If they see that we enjoy learning new things, they are more likely to enjoy it too.

See: How to start a daycare center

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Nobody likes a whiny child and a chorus of them can be unbearable. If you have a group of kids in your daycare who constantly whine, this can provide a lot of stress and can be a true test of your patience. Most of us would prefer tantrums over whining any day of the week. If this is a constant struggle in your daycare, you need not worry. There are ways where you can restore balance and harmony to your daycare without resulting it resulting to a lawsuit.

Often there is a reason to why a child would result to whining. Hunger, exhaustion, feeling under the weather and boredom often leads to a whining session with the children under your care. Learning to identify the triggers of these whining can prevent you from suffering a shining chorus. Whining is a trait that is often frowned upon and is not a good communication method a child should grow accustom to.

Like the common cold, there is still no sure way of curing the whining spells children can have.

* One reason a child may result to whining is to attract attention from adult. As a last resort a child may employ whining to get noticed. Being adults we have the capability of recognize kids and doing so we can prevent the irritating behavior by simply listening to the needs of the child. Children don’t know any better so it’s up to us adults to reach down to their level and determine what they want. Often a little face time or perhaps a bonding session is all it takes. Peace and quiet can often be achieved by simply providing the right attention to a child.

* Another way you can you can prevent whining in your daycare is by teaching the children how to differentiate different tones in voices. Once they have discovered how whining sound they will be less likely to want to sound that way. You can choose to record an example of a child whining and let them listen to it. Allow them to listen and react to what they are hearing. Allow them to become the third party in the listening activity. This is a good away for them to understand why whining is an undesirable trait. Once they hear for themselves they will truly understand the significance of what you are trying to teach them.

* A child would also result to whining once he or she is unable to fully express him or herself. Be aware of situations like this and instead of telling off the child, try helping the child verbalize what she or he wants to express. Help the child find the words so that he or she can tell you what the problem is. Addressing the feelings and need of a child allows less reason for whining. Teaching the child that it’s better to talk about the problem rather than whining can go a long way in the child’s development.

* If you are caught in the tirade of a child’s whining it would be a good idea to provide a distraction. The annoying whines can stop once we are able to change the subject and switch the child’s attention to something more fun. A whiney child can be a result of total boredom. Introducing an activity that provides fun and learning can prevent a child from traveling that rode to boredom city where all the children whine. If a child is busy doing something or preoccupied whining would be the last thing on his mind.

* A child in need of attention will accept any for of attention from an adult. Don’t try to address this attempt to grab your attention with a negative attention. Don’t yell. Labeling a child as a whiner is not going to be productive as well. Just stay calm and don’t lose yourself from the whining. Giving in after a long period of whining will provide a message to a child that persistent whining will pay off in the end. Teach the child that adult and other people will respond only if you use a normal voice. Remember, patience is a virtue.

* Whining is not the only behavioral problem you can face when dealing with the children in your daycare. There are other behavioral problems that you would need to address calmly and positively. These difficult behaviors in children are caused by many factors that need to be addressed to prevent the escalation of these bad behaviors. These negative behaviors in children must be dealt with at the onset of the problem. Initially it would be alright to handle the bad behavior on your own however, if the child persists to be disruptive, destructive and aggressive, it would be best to meet with the parents to discuss the child’s problem. Dealing with the bad behavior will require parental cooperation and further discussion will unearth if similar behavior happens in the home as well. If the root cause can be discovered it would be beneficial to all parties and there would be a better understanding of what triggers and the reasons for the behavior.

* As a daycare provider it is your responsibility to inform the parents to what is going on with their child. This meeting will ensure that a joint behavior plan for the child is set and that everyone concerned is on the same page. It would be useless if you are dealing with the problem in your daycare while nothing is being done when the child is exhibiting the behavior at home.

* Make sure you use a behavior policy as a plan to help make a more personalized behavior plan. It would be good to set a time frame for the plan and a re-evaluation to see if there is any progress in the child’s behavior.

* If despite all the efforts the child continues with his disruption, you may need to ask the parents to pull out the child since you are not just responsible for one child but to the other children as well. And you have to consider the overall impact not just to one child.

See: How to start a daycare

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