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Some daycare owners may experience behavioral problems at pick up. The children may behave until their parents arrive and then they feel they do not have to listen or begin doing unacceptable things when the parent shows up.  What to do? We asked the OwnADaycare Facebook fans how they handle issues with discipline at pickup. Here are some of the best responses:

• I let all my parents know that until they close the door behind them and have their child out of my house, I am still in charge. Occasionally I have an issue with a spoiled child that likes to act up, but she has learned that she has to wait until the front door closes or she is in trouble. Now the poor dad has to deal with her out by his car while trying to get her into her seat. Other kids have learned that time out in front of mom is no fun because then they get in trouble from mom too.
• I always say, “This is not acceptable or you don’t behave this way when Mom/Dad is not here so it is not acceptable when mom/dad is here.” Say it right so the parents hear it and be matter of fact and stick to the rules, I have put children in time out right in front of the parents, until they go out the door the rules are the same. Better to get it done sooner than later, always prepare the children for pickup, it helps them to transition better. Maybe have them coloring or quiet activity when it is time for parents to come. They prefer it to be calmer as well. Then you have some moments to discuss the day if you wish without a lot of interruptions. Good Luck. Remember you are in control and they look to you for direction all day.
• The excitement of seeing the parent at my home daycare winds the children up at times. I have good parents though that let me enforce my rules up until they step out of the door. I had to put a child on time out for knocking all of the books down and not wanting to pick them up. The parent just sat down and waited for the child’s time to be up. Then when they got home the parent reinforced that they have to listen while at daycare by taking away the child’s TV time. It helps if the parent enforces your rules while there and while they are at home. This way you are both on the same page.
• I think this is common until you get a certain level of expectations from the kids. I have some try and I still correct them sternly while the parents are there more so making the child understand, your parents presence doesn’t change the rules. I also have all the kids cleanup one hour prior to closure and sit for movie or story during dismissal.. This makes a much smoother departure daily.
• I use to have that problem until I started putting a time out chair by the door, I let my parents know and the kids what it was for. I also let the parents and the kids know that rules still apply , no running, no moving in the time to go home spot. They sit in a line against the wall and wait for mommy and daddy. The kids are not allowed to go to the door until the parent comes inside. That time out chair by the door works perfectly.
• I simply say: “Since little Johnny can’t seem to remember our rules once you walk in, I need you to take his hand and leave with him quickly.”
• I just tell them that I will not change whether your parent is here or not. The same rules apply. I have children that ask for extra snack when their parents pick them up. I tell them that they had snack and that is enough. I actually have on parent call me “THE BOSS”. When they are at home and the child act up she say do u want me to call THE BOSS.
• Same rules apply when parents arrive. They use to yet it until I started enforcing those rules regardless and parents object. it shocked the kids and forced then to get it together or go to time out while your parent waits.
• If the parents do not help out, I inform that child as long as they are still in my home regardless of their parent being here they have to listen. I will discipline a child in front of their parent if need be. If a parent doesn’t like it then they can take their child elsewhere.
• I start from the beginning and say, “You are still at school and the rules still work even when Mommy or Daddy is here.” Or however for the age. It also lets the parents know you mean business and their child needs to behave or leave. I have put kids on time out that are hanging around too long and misbehaving. Kind of gets the parents in gear to leave.
• Talk to the parents and explain the situation. If the kids start to misbehave in their daycare setting because mom and dad are there it will only escalate. Tell the parents what you do so they are aware when you have to do it when they come and explain to them that they need to be on the same page.
• I prepare children 5 minutes before mom gets here, “when mommy gets here we stop playing and put on your shoes”. I also let them pick a sticker if she listens and gets ready well. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
• Pick your battles, this is one sometimes you cannot win…especially when you have a parent that does not discipline or correct their children, I have a parent when I correct the child mom coddles her and I come out the bad guy. The old saying “turn the other cheek is what I do when mom walks in the door my job stops right there.
• It’s called “5:00 Syndrome”. Children are challenging who is in charge, you or their parent. Since you can’t count on the parents to keep control, you have to decide that you are still the boss until the child walks out the door and still enforce all rules until that time even if it means reprimanding a child in front of their parent.
• Once they figure out you will treat them the same when their parents are there or not, they usually straighten up. However, when I first holler at them with their parents standing right there, they are shocked! LOL I just figure if the parents are not going to be respectful of my home and my things, then they can just hear it from me. None of them have ever said a thing about me disciplining their children – too bad we can’t discipline them as well!

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• Separation Anxiety in Your Home Daycare or Preschool Tweet Tweet Separation anxiety is a stage of development in...

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Separation anxiety is a stage of development in which children become anxious, nervous, or scared upon separation from a parent and is normal in preschool and daycare. Children may cry and cling to parents at daycare center drop-off time, need a carry a security item throughout the day, and/or cry at pick up time. Separation anxiety typically peaks between the ages of 12 months and two years.

Our interview with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Erik Fisher, discusses the issue of separation anxiety in the daycare and preschool setting.

OwnADaycare: Can you define separation anxiety in preschool aged children and some of its characteristics? At what age range is separation anxiety most common?

Dr. Erik Fisher: Separation Anxiety with kids can begin as early as 8 months and can occur into early school years. It is most common in children around the age of 2 as they more firmly develop a sense of self. It can be expressed in as simple a behavior as crying when a parent leaves and can be as severe as a child becoming physically sick. The symptoms can last for as short as a few minutes with a transition into participatory behaviors or can last for hours for as long as the parent is away. Some children may not display extreme emotions when they experience separation anxiety. They may become withdrawn or avoidant, and they may also show symptoms after they are returned to their parent. Parents may also observe some anger or distance from their children after they return, as if to punish them for leaving them.

What is the difference between separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder?

Dr. Erik Fisher: Separation anxiety occurs as more of a phase in life and should resolve by early school age years. Separation Anxiety Disorder is more of a prolonged set of behaviors that becomes a pattern. This can last well into childhood and some separation issues can continue into adulthood. It will last much longer that separation anxiety and may arise every time a parent leaves the child. There are likely to be more severe physical symptoms and panic-type, and they will last longer. The child may also have fears of the parent or other family members dying, nightmares about separation, worry about being displaced from a parent. Children may be able to talk about being able to be okay when a parent leaves, but when it comes time, the reactions commence are beyond the “rational ability” for the child to manage his behavior. Kids can feel guilty about their reaction and often helpless to stop it.

OwnADaycare: What are some factors that contribute to separation anxiety? What factors can reduce separation anxiety?

Dr. Erik Fisher: In some families it is a pattern that can be the result of a neurochemical predisposition that is more genetic in nature related to anxiety. Anxiety disorders may be prevalent in the family. Children with slow-to-warm up or more difficult temperaments may be more likely to have difficulties with separation anxiety and possibly Separation Anxiety Disorder.

Often it can be helpful to also consider the parents temperament in the equation also. Parents often unknowingly contribute to SA and SAD. To some parents it feels nice to have a close bond with their child so much that they feel an internal sense of gratification when their child does not want them to leave, and many times there are almost unconscious ways that a parent contributes to their child’s anxieties. Some children pick up on their parent’s anxieties and subtle reactions which can feed these issues. In my own experiences, when I have had parents check themselves and their emotions before they drop their kids off, it can make a huge difference in how the kids respond. Because parents may feel guilty or responsible about how they feel internally about their connection with their child, it can be very threatening to approach this subject.

Children can also react when they lack a strong attachment to parents. If they don’t feel secure and the parent is emotionally or physically unavailable, this can contribute. Some children will misbehave to see of their parents can be called back to get them, and some children may have been through a merry-go-round of daycare providers and preschools. Abuse is another situation that can contribute. In my experiences with daycare providers, some feel afraid to contact the authorities when they have proof of abuse, but it is illegal not to.

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Every adult has dealt with this embarrassing situation: You’re in the grocery store or doctor’s office, or a nice restaurant. Your child or a child in your family daycare wants a toy or goodie that he can’t have. He wants to open a door or drawer he shouldn’t or grab an expensive, fragile item. You stand it the way of his happiness…And the tantrum begins.

I’m not quite sure what’s more embarrassing: The ear drum piercing screaming, the on-the-floor hysterical kicking, or the part where you try to pick up the child to remove them from the situation and her body goes limp and heavy like a wet noodle.  It seems like it always happens at the quietest or most inopportune moment. And if you try to stop them or quiet them, they become even more loud and hysterical. And you’re so mortified you just want to die or vanish.

The good news is that even the most good-natured toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. Temper tantrums are considered a normal part of development. In fact, temper tantrums occur in about 80% of children ages 1 to 4 and about 20% of 2-year-olds have daily temper tantrums.

So here are some ways to deal with temper tatrums whether you’re in the daycare setting, on a field trip, or at home.

While common, the best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them altogether. So I’m offering up the following suggestions to help avoid those embarrassing temper tantrum situations.

• Keep items that are off-limits not only out of the child’s reach, but when possible, out of sight.
• Take advantage of the child’s short attention span and distract him/her with something else.
• Give the child plenty of attention to assure that he/she is not “acting out” just to get your attention.
• Offer choices so that your toddler will feel that he/she has some control.
• Compliment the child frequently for appropriate responses.
• Ignore the tantrum (if it is no threat to the child or others) and continue your activity (but do not leave the child alone during this time). Sometimes the tantrum is an attention-getter).
• Be aware of your child’s limits. For example, if you know that your child is tired or hungry, this is not a good time for a visit to the food market.
• Add structure by establishing traditions and routines.
• When you are taking the child into a new situation, explain to him or her beforehand what the expectations are.

By age 3, temper tantrums should become less frequent and less severe. By age 4, children have learned to become less impulsive and also have learned to use language to express their needs. They learn by this age that a temper tantrum won’t get them what they want. They also begin to learn to compromise. Trust me, it will get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

For more information about temper tantrums, see: Misbehaving and Temper Tantrums

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Bullying is an issue in many daycare center and preschool environments. One aspect of daycare jobs includes keeping children safe and behavioral issues in check.   In a 3-part interview, Dr. Warren Seiler, child and adolescent psychiatrist and author of Battling the Enemy Within: Conquering the Causes of Inner Struggle and Unhappiness [Victory Laine Publishing, 2010], describes the problem of bullies in daycare centers and explains how both educators and parents can handle the situation.

OwnADaycare: How bad can the bullying be in children under 5, why does it occur?

Dr. Warren Seiler: Again, my answer would be similar to that in #1 above except that I do believe there are 5 year olds who have the overall awareness of relationship issues to in fact show the early signs of willful bullying and intimidating other children to do their will. In my experience bullying routinely occurs because the child has become considerably too narcissistic, generally has a poor self image, lacks empathy either completely or under circumstances where their own suffering overwhelms their ability to be empathetic towards others, and children who are typically bitter.

Children and adolescents who have become bullies over a period of time to a moderate or severe degree, indicating that characterological pathology as defined above is clearly present, often are attempting to get their needs met on their own. It is parents or caregivers who are raising the child that have the responsibility to meet the child’s needs (i.e., emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual, etc.). When a child has to get their own needs met from early in life on too regular a basis, they become preoccupied with their own feelings and discomfort and thus when their pain exceeds their ability to tolerate discomfort, their ability to be empathetic towards others stops working until such a time as they are able to get rid of their pain and discomfort. Children who have characterologically begun to become bullies on a regular basis are generally children who are neglected no matter what their socioeconomic level.

OwnADaycare: How can adults recognize that a child is being bullied?

Dr. Warren Seiler: In the case of parents who spend more than enough time on a regular basis raising their children firsthand, such parents can tell when anything is wrong with the child. When such a parent recognizes that something is not the way it should be in regard to one of their children, they don’t allow the situation to be ignored and ultimately are able to find out from discussions with the child what might be troubling them. Children who are bullied on anything other than an occasional basis are not very happy and this can be easily spotted by whoever is their caregiver if that caregiver is vigilant and concerned and dedicated to their growth and wellbeing.

All one has to do to recognize a bully is to simply observe children. Even at a distance a child who is being bullied looks to one degree or another uncomfortable. At a distance a mature adult should be able to recognize that something amiss might be occurring when one child is talking to another child and the child being addressed is not happy or appears afraid, etc. The bully will clearly always try to hide their activities since in my view and my definition bullying is a conscious phenomenon on the part of the bully.

OwnADaycare: What effect does bullying have on victims of bullying?

It simply goes without saying that the more a child is bullied the more negative affect it will have on that child. The degree to which the family is able to be very supportive and aware of this can ease the burden of the pain and prevent damage to the child.

OwnADaycare: What can childcare providers do about bullying?

Childcare providers such as preschool and daycare workers, educators who work in the schools, aids of any type who assist other adults in caring for children, need to be aware of the concept and what to look for. It is actually for the most part common sense that an adult would use when observing children at play or interacting with one another, especially when it becomes evident that one or more of the children are upset. To begin to intervene and find out what the trouble is and to try to help the children resolve whatever the issue might be, and to keep an eye on that situation at a distance is crucially important for any childcare provider.

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• How to Handle Bullying in Daycare Part 3 Tweet Tweet Bullying is an issue in many daycare center...
• How to Handle Bullying in Daycare Part 1 Tweet Tweet Bullying is an issue in many daycare center...

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Bullying is an issue in many daycare center and preschool environments. One aspect of daycare jobs includes keeping children safe and behavioral issues in check.   In a 3-part interview, Dr. Warren Seiler, child and adolescent psychiatrist and author of Battling the Enemy Within: Conquering the Causes of Inner Struggle and Unhappiness [Victory Laine Publishing, 2010], describes the problem of bullies in daycare centers and explains how both educators and parents can handle the situation.

OwnADaycare: What can a concerned parent do about bullying?

Dr. Warren Seiler: Parents who come to learn that their child is being bullied should offer what is always the healing love of their empathy for the suffering that their child has gone through as a result of being the victim of a bully. This suffering will range anywhere from the relatively minor to the more extreme forms of suffering depending on the situation we might discuss. Children appreciate the love and support and awareness of their parents. Children learn from and further appreciate examples that the parents may offer of their own childhood and adolescence and times when they may have been bullied, and how they handled themselves. It is also at these times that children can be helped to understand why it is important that they themselves not mistreat others because of the feelings that they would cause such others.

Of course, ignoring the bully, and making use of various other concepts described in my book Battling the Enemy Within routinely assists the child in getting through the rough times that occur in everyone’s life. I should point out here very clearly that my book Battling the Enemy Within is not about bullies per se nor is the word bully mentioned in my book. My book contains the concepts and ideas that are very helpful in raising children to be healthy, wonderful human beings as they become adults and not bullies. Children who are acutely aware on a day-to-day basis with how much they are loved and valued by their parents, or whoever may be taking care of them, are typically able to tolerate significant amounts of stress and discomfort without being damaged by such.

It is important for us as parents to recognize that the pain and discomfort that our children will feel periodically in the course of their growing up is not necessarily synonymous with damage being done to them. The healthier the child, the more supported the child feels emotionally, psychologically and spiritually by their parents, the more pain and suffering they can tolerate without being damaged. We can praise them for their strength and reassure them that they will no doubt contribute a great deal to the world around them as they grow into adulthood.

In those cases where parental support and suggestions as to how to deal with the bully do not end the bullying, it is routinely necessary for the parent to take some action in order to intervene and end the bullying. If this occurs in a school setting the teachers and the principal need to be notified. If it occurs in the neighborhood, the parents of the bully need to be informed (occasionally the parents may need to seek legal advice as to what can be done in more extreme cases).

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• How to Handle Bullying in Daycare Part 1 Tweet Tweet Bullying is an issue in many daycare center...

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Bullying is an issue in many daycare center and preschool environments. One aspect of daycare jobs includes keeping children safe and behavioral issues in check.   In a 3-part interview, Dr. Warren Seiler, child and adolescent psychiatrist and author of Battling the Enemy Within: Conquering the Causes of Inner Struggle and Unhappiness [Victory Laine Publishing, 2010], describes the problem of bullies in daycare centers and explains how both educators and parents can handle the situation.

OwnADaycare: Please describe bullying: How large of a problem? How often does it occur? Does bullying occur in pre-schools and daycare facilities? I would first like to define how I use the term bullying.

Dr. Warren Seiler: My definition is essentially the same as that found in Webster’s New World Dictionary. A bully is simply a person who hurts, frightens, threatens, or tyrannizes those who are viewed as smaller or weaker in some sense than the bully in an attempt to get these individuals to do something that the bully wants them to do or stop doing something that the bully wants them to stop doing.

It is important to understand that there are different degrees of bullying among children and adolescents, and adults for that matter. On the benign end of the continuum we have children who on occasion in their life attempted to bully or intimidate others into doing what they might want them to do, but the bullying characteristics have not yet become in any significant way ingrained into the character structure of the child. Such a child may actually feel quite bad and guilty after their first attempt to bully, and may in fact never try to bully anyone again. On the other end of the continuum we have children and adolescents (and adults) who have become most severe in their characterological pathology along these lines and will stop at nothing to torment an individual into doing whatever it is they want them to do. Such severity, until proven otherwise, is almost always the result of a young person who has become significantly narcissistic in regard to their overall makeup, subsequently lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others, and often lack an actively ingrained moral conscious and spiritual awareness.

Fortunately, in my experience of living life for over 62 years, the extreme end of the bullying continuum is more the exception then the rule. However, in those 62 years it seems to me that there are growing numbers of people who are considerably too narcissistic and who lack the awareness of the feelings and needs of others, if they have the capacity for it at all, whenever they themselves become more uncomfortable then they can tolerate.

I therefore would suggest that the severe cases of bullying are certainly not the majority of the cases. I have actually in my over 32 years of practice found that I cannot recall any children or adolescents who were brought to me because they had been bullied or because they were bullies.

Most children and adolescents are bullied by someone in their growing up years on at least one occasion, and some on several occasions, but most children survive this generally very well especially if they have a very supportive family situation.

Sadly, I don’t really recall any parents or people who are in the parenting position to raise children, bring in a child that they were raising with their primary concern that this child was a bully.

While preschool children, for any number of reasons, may be aggressive and mean towards other children in the preschool, I don’t think this is routinely something that would fall under the category of bullying. Bullying, as far as I’m concerned, is a concept that actually applies to children and adolescents who are of the age to consciously recognize what they are doing as opposed to preschool children who may typically act out aggressively if they don’t get their way and/or if they are struggling with any number of potential difficulties either internally or as a result of the environment they are living in. Daycare facilities on the other hand often have children varying in age from the very young to the early adolescent and potentially beyond early adolescence. I would simply say that the incidents of bullying in daycare facilities depends on the age of the children as I have defined above and I simply don’t’ know what the statistics are and whether or not these statistics are different from the school system in general.

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Biting in daycare is a common occurrence and a concern among daycare providers and parents. We interviewed Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo, parenting expert and author of Essentials of Smart Parenting: Learning the Fine Art of Managing Your Children, to get some help. Dr. Carl Arinoldo explains why children bite and how biting can be controlled in the daycare setting.

OwnADaycare: Why do young children bite?
Dr. Arinoldo: Young children may bite due to frustration, anger, or in an attempt to gain control over another child.  The young child may also be feeling powerless or frightened, or he/she may just be overtired.  In addition, depending on the child and the situation, the child may be making an inappropriate bid for attention from the child care provider, the parents, or from another child.

OwnADaycare: What are some ways that child care providers or preschool teachers can prevent biting?
Dr. Arinoldo: The adults involved MUST NOT REACT in an emotional manner to the biting.  They must use the situation to teach the child that biting is an inappropriate behavior and must not be done.  Saying “no biting” firmly at the time of the incident can help.  NEVER bite the child!  They can distract the child and give appropriate attention to the child when the child is not making an inappropriate bid for that attention.  In addition, letting the child take a nap when needed may help and, for parents, trying to ensure that the child gets a good night’s sleep.  The provider or teacher can also alter the degree of structure at the daycare/preschool.  Perhaps the child is experiencing too much or too little structure in his/her environment.  It may be that the daycare/preschool is just not a “good fit” for the child in question.  If this is the case, maybe some changes need to be made.

OwnADaycare: How should child care providers or preschool teachers react to biting?
Dr. Arinoldo: They should act—not react.  They should be firm yet calm.  They should conduct themselves in a way that is not emotionally charged.  They do not want to inadvertently reinforce the very behavior that they are trying to eliminate.

OwnADaycare: What is the best way for a child care provider to inform the biter’s parents?
Dr. Arinoldo: The provider should first discuss all of the good behaviors and/or talents that the child may exhibit. The provider can then “ease into” the biting issue.  The provider must be very careful not to accuse or place blame directly.  At the conclusion of the talk, the provider should end with something positive about the child in question.  The provider could also inform the parents about what he or she has already done to resolve the issue or what he or she plans to do to resolve the biting issue.  In addition, the provider can ask the parents if the behavior is seen at home and what, if anything, have the parents found helpful in curbing this behavior.

OwnADaycare: What is the best way for a child care provider to inform the victim’s parents?
Dr. Arinoldo: The provider should tell the victim’s parents and quickly inform them about the steps taken to resolve the issue.  If the issue isn’t yet resolved, then these parents should be told how the provider plans to resolve it.

OwnADaycare: Is there a point when a pediatrician or health care provider should get involved?
Dr. Arinoldo: A pediatrician or health care provider should be consulted whenever the biting results in a child’s skin being broken—regardless of the age of the child.  Also, if there is a persistent pattern of biting, an appropriate professional should be consulted, such as a child psychologist or child psychiatrist.   If the child is over the age of three, some consultation would be in order.

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Today, children are sometimes pressured to be sociable and perform on cue. However, some children are naturally shy, quiet, reserved and a bit anxious. Shyness is an inherited trait which many people don’t realize. Daycare providers and daycare business owners must be aware of the cause of shyness in children and learn how to manage shy children in their care. Our interview with Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life, answers important questions about dealing shyness in the daycare setting.

OwnADaycare:  Please describe shyness in a child? Why are some children shy?

Debbie Mandel:  Some children genetically inherit the trait for shyness – it is their nature to be quiet, observant and more reserved. For other children the trigger could be environmental like an extremely extroverted mother or imposing siblings making the child feel overshadowed.

OwnADaycare: How can daycare providers and other early childhood educators manage shy children?

Debbie Mandel: Shy children should not be pushed or thrown into busy, new social situations. They need to get acclimated.  Educators and providers need to let shy children observe, sample and get familiar with the activity. Also, shy children do better in smaller groups. On the other hand providers do not need tiptoe around shy children like there is something wrong with them. Simply, give a shy child a little space and less intensity.

OwnADaycare: Are there any specific activities or things teachers can do to nurture very young children and help them to socialize?

Debbie Mandel: Teachers can help shy children with arts and crafts – another method for self-expression. Story time is also an excellent activity because a shy child can listen, absorb and then participate in the group setting – in other words be single yet interact in a social group. Singing songs is another opportunity for being single in a group and singing is a great de-stressor.

OwnADaycare: How can parents prepare a shy child for preschool?

Debbie Mandel: Parents can help a shy child rehearse for pre-school – role play at home, show pictures of the class room, actually visit the school building, sit in the classroom and meet the teacher.  A parent might need to sit in a few times when school actually starts, and each time it will be for a shorter duration; until, one day the parent waves goodbye and blows a kiss to a child who feels secure in his surroundings.

OwnADaycare: Is labeling a child “shy” damaging?

Debbie Mandel:  One should not label a child shy because labels are hurtful stereotypes. The child will then think less of himself and fulfill that prophecy. In addition, being shy can actually be a strength. This child is an observer, reflects and has a rich inner life as opposed to someone who does not think before he speaks and needs to be the center of attention. A shy child likes to be prepared. And many grow out of their shyness to achieve a wonderful balance of listening and speaking.

OwnADaycare: Do you have any further comments/suggestions

Debbie Mandel: Keep in mind that every child is an individual and blooms in his own time frame. If you push too hard, the child will pull away. It is important that parents manage their own stress levels because children absorb their stress.

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Crying During Nap Time

A common issue raised by daycare providers is that children in their care cry specifically during naptime. Some child care providers don’t know why the children are crying and how to handle it. When a child is crying during naptime it can be disruptive to other children at rest. . It can be both a frustrating and challenging part of the daycare job.  Some experts suggest that caregivers let the child cry it out while others oppose this method.

So, we interviewed Susan Cooper M.Ed., author of “Cooking by the Handful” and member of Applied Scholastics International. In Part 2 of this interview, Cooper explains to what child care providers can do to alleviate this issue.

Own A Daycare: Some daycares use the cry it out method? Is this harming the child?

Susan Cooper: Yes and No.  I don’t like to see the crying it out.  It’s upsetting to other children.  It’s better to use the plan of having a child stay on the cot and look at books.  They usually get tired and fall asleep.

Own A Daycare: How can daycare providers handle parents who don’t want their children to take a nap?

Susan Cooper: This is where it is important to explain that daycare is not school and younger children need to rest even if they don’t fall asleep but just rest.

OwnADaycare: Under what circumstances would it be acceptable and reasonable to terminate the client with regard to this issue?

Susan Cooper: It would be acceptable if the daycare has nap or rest time as part of their Parent Handbook and Daily Schedule.  If parents do not agree with this as they enter the program, it is best to not continue with them as a potential client.  If they already are clients, then their desire to not comply with the Parent Handbook and Daily Schedule would be sufficient to terminate them as clients.

OwnADaycare: What is the best way for daycare providers to terminate clients, if they choose to do so, politely and respectfully?

Susan Cooper: The best way to terminate a client is to start with a Parent meeting to discuss the problem.  Then discuss your expectations.  Put them in writing.  If the parents continue to cause upsets and your expectations are not met, call another meeting to terminate.  Do this at a time when daycare payments are due for the next term so that the parents do not have to pay for time not used.  If the parents change their attitude, make sure to comment on it during morning greetings.

Own A Daycare: Do you have any other suggestions?

Susan Cooper: If the nap room is a little cooler than usual rooms, children tend to snuggle up in the blankets and rest better.  Soft music also really helps.  For some non-nappers, ask the parents to look into their diets at home too.

Read Part I – Daycare Dilemma: Why Children Cry During Nap Time

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We asked our OwnADaycare Facebook fans who are daycare owners, to reveal information they would love to anonymously convey to parents. This information is helpful not only for parents who send their child to daycare, but also will help new daycare owners create and enforce policies for their daycare business.

Advice fell into two categories: Daycare owners have issues with respect for policies and with behavioral issues. In part 2 of this article, we list behavioral advice.

Parent’s Please Take Note of Behavioral Issues
Daycare providers are not doctors, psychiatrists, or anything other than daycare providers. However, when they ask a parent to look into some issue or ask about a specific behavior their child is exhibiting with their family doctor, please don’t blow them off or tell them that it is another kid that is the problem. It takes a lot of personal courage and mental prep for a child care provider to ask something like that of a family and it hurts when the family is unkind or gets upset for even suggesting there could be a problem.

Please don’t always think that your child learned an unpleasant behavior from another child. Your child may have thought it up on his/her own! Overall most parents are very reasonable but once in awhile child care providers get parents who believe they produced nothing but an angel!

Please don’t tell your day care provider to not give your child a nap! They spend more time with the child care provider than you do, so they put up with the tantrums and crying because the child is tired.

Believe the child care provider when they say that your child is not behaving appropriately. They cannot give all the children the care they deserve for behaving well when the child care provider has to spend the entire day reminding your child to behave.

Please follow up with some discipline at home. The child care provider cannot be the only one setting boundaries and following up.

Please don’t tell the child care provider that you work too hard and never take any time for yourself, so you are taking a “me” day and they can reach you at home, or the salon, or the spa, or the gym,  or the mall or  the beach — anywhere but work! Also do not tell the provider you have no sick days left for your sick child and then turn around the next week and take a vacation day for your “me “day!!

Please let the provider know if you are not at work for the day while your child is at daycare. The provider will feel foolish calling your job and being told that you have the day off.

Please let us know that you appreciate us and what we do. Just a simple thank you will do. It doesn’t need to be a material gift, just appreciate and understand how important their job is and realize that they need days and paid time off just like you.

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