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It is common for younger children to throw their dishes and cups while eating or drinking in a highchair. This type of behavioral issue can be frustrating because it means food gets wasted and you are left with a great mess to clean. So how should you handle this situation? Our OwnADaycare fans on Facebook who are daycare business owners have provided many different techniques to curb or prevent this behavior. Here are their excellent suggestions:

• Feed the child, and then take plate away. Only offer drink as you stand there with them and then set it to side. Do not leave full control of the dishes to them until they are ready.
• When the child has finished making their mess, take the child out of the chair and have him help you pick up every single piece and put it where it goes (in the bowl in the trash can, etc.). This worked for me; after a few times of cleaning up their own mess they didn’t do it again.
• My highchairs have a food tray that clicks into the main tray so I have not really run into this issue, but I would think that making them clean it up would have a big effect. I normally have my kids in highchairs sitting really close to me so I am able to take drink cups away quickly so I am not constantly picking them up off of the floor.
• I sit in front of the highchair. But depending on the food, just put it on the tray, no bowl or plate.
• I only have this issue with a 13th month old. If he throws his cup, I take it away and offer it to him for a sip or two at a time then take it away again. If he throws his food, I clean him up and his lunch is over . If he’s throwing it, he must not want to eat it.
• You might want to try buying a suction bowl or try taping down a regular dish.
• Gyro bowl: The spill-proof bowl.  However, is typical of a child to do this. It is them learning cause and effect. I think they like watching us bend over and are laughing to themselves on the inside! You could put a highchair pad under the chair base to collect the mess
• Only give the throwing child a few bites at a time so they eat it instead of throwing it. I know it is time consuming and takes more effort, but it’s better than cleaning up the whole kitchen or floor or highchair! The first time they throw the food/drink/plate, let them know they are all done and take them out of the highchair or let them sit without food while the others are still eating.
• They learn quickly if the food is taken away once they’ve tossed it twice or more!! No games here. I haven’t time for that behavior, and if it continues, it can cause the rest to follow suit!! It’s just amazing how soon they pick up on what’s acceptable and what is not!
• I typically don’t give high-chair feeders dishes. My really little only get a few pieces of their lunch at a time so not much can go flying if they are enjoy the sensory aspect of lunch more than the nutrition of it. If a small one is into pitching food for cause and effect, they get a stern no, and the rest is removed and quiet time begins. Like many have said, it doesn’t take too long for them to figure out this isn’t a game Jenny will play.
• I put food directly on cleaned tray and a spill proof cup. Also I have a plastic floor mat that cost no more than $10.00. That solved problem for me.
• I have a 1 year old in my care. He does it at every meal. But it is getting better. I always give him his food on a plastic plate. When he goes to throw it on the floor I take it set it back on tray and say “it stays there” and repeat. The third time, I put his food on his tray and put his plate in the sink. We are down to me telling him one time. If I miss a plate toss and it hits the floor, it automatically goes to the sink.
• At a seminar I learned it’s like a science project for them. If it goes down, shouldn’t it come back up? Even though we don’t like it, it’s not to make us mad, it’s just something they are trying, balls bounce, why shouldn’t everything else. I just try and take the dishes as soon as they are done, but telling them NO, has helped here. But it takes a lot of NO’s too.
• Catch the child when his/she is good. Try to watch for when the child is done and have him place it in your hands (before he/she throws) and praise, praise, praise! If it lands on the floor a stern, “you give your plate to me when done…not on the floor” and have them clean it up (as best as they can – depending on the age, of course). Repeat, repeat, repeat
• Put less in the bowl so when he does throw it, it’s not such a big mess.  Also try the three times and they are done eating rule. I did that with one of my little ones and now the bowl/plate stays on the tray.
• I just put the food on the tray two pieces at a time, one for each hand. It that goes on the floor then they are done eating!
• Depending on the age of the child I take them out of the chair and have them pick up the bowl or I pick it up for them if they are quite little and then I sit them back down in the highchair and ask if they are all done.  I will do the sign for all done while asking and then put my hand out to take the dish. I used to work in an infant room (we had 12 kids ages 0-18months). This worked quite well once the kids were about 12 months.

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One common complaint among child care providers is dealing with children who constantly argue and name calling. We asked the OwnADaycare on Facebook members, how they handle constant arguing in their daycare. Our members who are also daycare owners responded to provide their great suggestions for correcting this behavior:

• I gave them all a business card with a space to ‘punch’ out each day of the month they were with me – if the child co-operated and behaved they got their daily punch on their card. Once the card was filled out at the end of the month they could turn it in for a small prize – dollar store items like note books – pencils – puzzles etc. It worked! If everyone earned their prize we also had a pizza party!
• I make them hold hands… Sit in a circle and tell each other what they like about each other. Then we play games that require them to work together. Making kids feel like they are on a team is huge…
• Start with some activities/games that will encourage positive relationships/sharing/teams. Name calling is something I don’t tolerate, so I would nip that in the bud (timeout or missing out on an activity until they get it). The older kids need to understand that they are the role-models for the younger ones…monkey see monkey do. And lots of positive reinforcement: it’s amazing when a few kids are acting badly, but one isn’t, and you (loudly) say that child’s name and tell them (so the whole group can hear) what a great job they are doing, you love how they are acting, etc.–suddenly everyone else is scrambling to do the same thing in order to be recognized by you as well!
• It’s hard this time of year but in the summer time if we have name calling that means that the child doing the name calling is out of the swimming pool (yep, only 24 inches deep and approved but loved by children) for 2 days for each named called. That will stop it quickly. This time of year, it’s hard to take that away but I would definitely do time outs or I have made the older ones write sentences saying stating they would no longer call names. And they can’t write the sentences by writing all the I’s then all the will’s then all the not’s and so forth, they have to actually have to write each sentence. I figure they can do that at school, so can I. lol
• It depends on the age. If its school aged children they have to WRITE a letter to the person that they were calling names to say sorry. They also must write a note home to mom and dad telling them about their behavior. If they are younger I usually just talk about how wrong it is to call each other names and how it makes them feel to hear it.( and I talk with the older kids about feelings as well) If that doesn’t work we have individual toys and games that they can play with for the day.
• Depending on age, I have mine write sentences” I will not call ______ names”. and then have them write it X amount of times
• Have you ever watched the original Parent Trap movie? When I’ve got a couple of kids that just can’t seem to get along I make them “buddies” for the day or week. They get to sit together at meals & snacks and that is the main (sometimes only) person they play with. Sounds extreme but has worked amazingly well; even with the toddlers. Now of course before we do this we sit down and talk about why we don’t act/talk to each other that way and how it makes the other person feel and talk about how they would feel or how they felt in the moment of name calling and afterwards. I also talk to the parents ahead of time and let them know what is going on and what is going to happen.
• Have a chart about Rules of your daycare: Respect, No Name Calling, Help Others/Be a Team Member…If they break the rules, especially the first two they and you write a letter for Mom and or Dad and they sign it. Parents read it at pick up…let parents know in advance that is your new child behavior guidance tool. Parents sign when they pick up. Make sure to praise positives whenever you can too.
• I would actually send them to bed in the back room–if they want to act like a toddler they will be treated like one. Worked very well, until the day they discovered slamming doors. Then I took the door off the hinge. Then one progressed to locking herself in the bathroom. That’s when I called mom and made her come get her and did not accept the child back. That was my last year of schoolagers.
• My school age buggies are reminded constantly that they are to show the younger children how to be big boys and girls. The handful of times the older children acted out, I separated them, gave them all a workbook, and told them they can sit here and do work instead of play. If that doesn’t work, make them clean! I did that with one child who was not interacting nicely. He actually did a very good job with it.

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One common complaint among child care providers is dealing with children who are constant tattletales. Although tattling is behavior frequently seen among older children, toddlers also tattle especially if they are usually around older children.   We asked the OwnADaycare on Facebook members, how they handle tattling in their daycare. Our members who are also daycare owners responded to provide their suggestions:

• My rule (for the most part) is if it doesn’t directly affect you, or no one is being injured it’s just plain tattling. Sometimes if it is out of hand then the tattler will earn some time out time. My 3 year olds are horrible right now, so I am really trying to teach them the difference between just tattling and informing me of something that really needs attention.
• I have 3 tattlers who tell on each other if one bumps into the other in the hallway. I give them the words to communicate to the other child how that made them feel when whatever it is happened. They normally do a fabulous job but then come and tell again if the other child isn’t listening to them. It’s kind of a toughie but I keep consistent and sometimes as a last resort I just pretend to be VERY busy with something and eventually they give up and you can hear them deal with it themselves without my help.
• I have a tattle turtle on the wall (just a pic of a turtle). I direct them to go and tell the turtle.it gets their needs met of having to tell someone but I don’t have to hear it! They will stand in line to tattle! …. Cracks me up every time!! When the turtle wears off I intro a “new friend” or a telephone where they can call in the tattle! They will even tell each other to tell the turtle!! Good luck!
• I teach the “Hurt or Broken?” law. They are taught, ahead of time, to ask themselves, or I will ask, “Will this situation hurt someone or is someone hurt?” Also is something broken, or will something be broken? If not then is what they want to say about themselves. If the answer is no to all of it then I won’t listen if it sounds like it will be a tattle. With older kids I will put kids on timeout who insist on tattling.
• Talk them through the problem.  Someone I know had a want they used when they had a problem, instead of tattling they’d get the wand to say they have a problem then need help with.
• I have Tattle Lovin’ Tina on the wall. I got her from the 123learncirriculum.com website I believe. Anyhow I tell my two tattlers to go tell Tina because I don’t want to hear it. Unless of course someone is actually being really hurt. But that is never the case.
• We have a tattle book. The children draw, write, and scribble their tattle in a loose leaf binder. The tattle book only comes out before nap and before they go home so they have to “save” their tattle which often means they forget it.
• I put THE tattle tale in timeout. They need to learn to work things out.
• What on earth is wrong in a little person telling you about something that is bothering them? It may seem trivial to you but obviously not to them. That surely is all part of the job and a learning process of how to deal with it for the little ones. Acknowledge their grip, show them how to deal with it and move on.
• A tattle is when someone must tell one someone else in order to get them in trouble. I will listen to kids who want attention, but not in order to tell on the other kids. I believe in helping kids learn to deal with their own problems, that means listening and helping them do it, not doing it for them. That is different to me than tattling. If I always do for, they never learn to do it. This is a major problem with our society; people have to get others to do things for them. We all need to speak up for ourselves. We need to teach children it is ok to say “NO!”.
• I always say worried about yourself I will take care of him/her unless they’re being hurt.
• Wait until you guys see the effects of tattle turtle. There are days we have a hard time getting in line to go outside but they will wait in line quietly without prompting to tell the turtle something! I do agree with the posts about teaching kids how to handle the situation first but once they know how to handle it and just want to be heard.to the turtle they go!
• I taped a picture of an ear to the wall and they had to go tell the ear.

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What do you do when a toddler runs away from you in public? This question comes up often when I’m asked for parenting advice. And the answer is helpful for both daycare providers and parents.

A friend of mine has 3 year old son that runs away from him in public all the time. He just takes off running, dashing away if his hand is not held. I haven’t heard him yet say that it was a safety issue (though I believe it is) but more that it is frustrating and embarrassing. He asked me what I thought about the use of a safety harness until he got things under control but confessed that he didn’t want to take that route because it seems too much like a leash. I don’t blame him!

Every time I see kids in those safety harnesses, I feel sad. I just feel they are so inhumane, even if they’re the cute ones that look like animal backpacks. The only time I don’t cringe is when I see them used at amusement parks where it is very easy to lose track of a small child. Children seem to enjoy the thrill of the chase. They run, you chase, and they enjoy it. The cycle continues.

This is very common, and many things contribute to it. The leash, time outs, and the warnings of strangers taking a child will do NOTHING!  It’s like putting a bandage on a huge wound. There are definite reasons why children run. In the situation with my friend, I offered the following reasons for why children run from parents:

1) It is possible that for the child’s 3 years, he or she was over-protected. For example, chairs tip but don’t hit the ground. This sets a child up for super success;  what “bad” thing could happen if he runs away?

2) Limits and the word “no” are meaningless. Many adults do not follow through with threats.

3) It is attention seeking-behavior. It’s a game and it gets parents’ attention. With a 3yr old, it’s really fun to have adults chase, catch and lecture.

So what do you do when your toddler darts away in public?

Here is the sure fire fix according to experts: The next time you plan to go out, tell the child, “If you run away from me we will leave”. No negotiations, no wimpy “ok??” at the end of that statement. And use direct eye to eye contact.

Then, I DO NOT CARE where you are, when the child runs, pick him or her up and face him away.  NO conversation. Put him or her in the car seat and looks at him and say “You ran away from me so we are leaving, I am done. We will try again another day”. Go home, shut down the day. Try again, repeat if needed. Yes, it is a lot of work but it will pay off. Parenting in general is work.

One final point, if the child does not seem to “get it” over time and with development, the possibility that he is developmentally delayed must be addressed. Not caring about consequences and impulsive behavior MIGHT be a sign of Spectrum or Attention Deficit Disorder issues.

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Today, children are sometimes pressured to be sociable and perform on cue. However, some children are naturally shy, quiet, reserved and a bit anxious. Shyness is an inherited trait which is something that many people don’t realize. Daycare providers and daycare business owners must be aware of the cause of shyness in children and learn how to manage shy children in their care. Our interview with clinical psychologist, Dr. Jodi Stoner, answers important questions about dealing shyness in the daycare setting.

OwnADaycare: Please explain shyness in a child? Why are some children shy?

Dr. Jodi Stoner: Shyness is a constellation of behaviors best described as withdrawing from others in social situations, exhibiting limited social skills such as discomfort in making friends, hiding and clinging behavior, lack of feeling comfortable around others, and reluctant to engage in new activities. Acting shy is not uncommon for highly criticized children. Shy children have difficulty expressing their feelings.

Shyness is a trait that children are born with or acquired from their immediate environment; primarily from their caretakers. It may be a cultural variable. Shyness is normal for most children at 6 months of age, and may resurface around age 4 and can be attributed to feeling socially self-conscious with the feeling of being embarrassed. It is not unusual to peek in preadolescence where feelings self-conscious is hallmark for most tweens.

OwnADaycare: How can daycare providers and other early childhood educators manage shy children?
Dr. Jodi Stoner: First, they need to real understanding of what shyness is. Educators are usually the first line of help for shy children when entering daycare or preschool. Teachers have a unique opportunity help children feel good about themselves and provide situations that foster positive feelings about oneself. Teachers can give shy children social roles (like giving out crayons). They can also encourage building friendships, one child at a time, until the child feels secure and has developed a level of social comfort. Teachers should give shy children an opportunity for down time and independent play. Small consistent baby steps are the key to social ease.

OwnADaycare: Are there any specific activities or things teachers can do to nurture very young children and help them to socialize?
Dr. Jodi Stoner: Encourage the art of slowly “joining in.” Promote play with another child with similar interests and personality type. Young children do better socially when they are exposed to a variety of social situation, people, and activities. Never force the child to participate in an activity.

Educators can teach basic communications skills, such as starting a conversation, maintaining a conversation, joining a conversation, and use of eye contact. Cooperative play skills are important lessons to help shy children fit in. Giving children an opportunity to recognize feelings and express them is an important social skill tool. Role playing, telling stories, and using puppets are great way to introduce and reinforce social skills.

OwnADaycare: Is it ever good to label a child?
Dr. Jodi Stoner: Labeling is never a good thing, and will be something your child will remember forever. Making disparaging statements undoes the efforts to socialize your child. If children are labeled as “shy” they will act shy. Avoid, making statements. “Excuse my son, he is shy”-It will contribute to your child’s continued shyness

OwnADaycare: Any further comments or suggestions?
Dr. Jodi Stoner: Patience is a virtue. Develop a plan on how you will precede to deal with your child’s shyness. Make sure to not reinforce that behavior instead focus on building positive self -esteem. Reassure your child when he acts more social. Don’t force your child into a situation he is not ready for. Stay away from criticizing your child and give clear communications. Trust is important component. Give your child responsibilities that will increase his sense of self-worth. Most importantly, show your child you love him for all the things he does do.

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Something happened this morning that I couldn’t wait to run over here and write about. The Tornado and Younger Son have developed this really intense friendship lately. We were all sitting with the twins building block towers, and Tornado was knocking them all down. I said, “You can knock yours down but not theirs!” So he did it again.

Younger kept building a tower just for Tornado, and was trying so hard (and patiently) to get him to focus on his. Still Tornado went for the twins, and Younger sadly informed me, “Mommy he won’t stop.” I said, “If he knocks theirs down again he gets a timeout.”

Then I got distracted by Miss S needing something, so I went off to take care of that, and Tornado knocked all the towers down again.

Younger got up and led him over to the timeout spot. I’m conflicted about letting him be in charge of such things, as it’s not my sons’ job to discipline children, and would normally step in and say so. But because of their strong dynamic lately I let it play. Tornado knew it was coming and went along willingly.

I gave him a couple of minutes and then went to get him out of the timeout spot. He immediately walked over to Younger, gave him a hug, and SAID HE WAS SORRY!!

Then he walked over to Miss C, hugged her, and said sorry!

Then he walked over to Miss D and did it again!

My eyes were filling with tears. All these years, all the run-ins we’ve had, all the work we’ve done on sharing and taking turns and understanding other people’s feelings, all the repeating over and over again about how to say you’re sorry – it all came together in one astounding moment. I’m not exaggerating when I say astounding. I couldn’t believe it was happening right before my eyes, and I was so proud to see my kids interacting this way.

And that’s the reward of child care.

I’m not saying he’s got all these beautiful behaviors down pat. In fact I think he only responded so strongly because it was Younger who gave him the timeout. Me, he’s not too concerned about angering. But YOUNGER, his new idol, that’s another story. And he was back to pulling hair two hours later during outdoor play, and that’s not shocking, it’s just to be expected. We’ll keep working on it like we always do, and there will be plenty more timeouts in the future.

But wow, what a great moment this morning.

—————

Amy Pybus is mom to two boys and has been a family child care provider for eight years. In her previous life she developed trainings with a focus on brain development and how it affects behavior. She has a Master’s in Education and gives trainings for parents and providers. She is a newspaper columnist and blogs about child care and parenting at www.sittingonthebaby.com.

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Some daycare owners may experience behavioral problems at pick up. The children may behave until their parents arrive and then they feel they do not have to listen or begin doing unacceptable things when the parent shows up.  What to do? We asked the OwnADaycare Facebook fans how they handle issues with discipline at pickup. Here are some of the best responses:

• I let all my parents know that until they close the door behind them and have their child out of my house, I am still in charge. Occasionally I have an issue with a spoiled child that likes to act up, but she has learned that she has to wait until the front door closes or she is in trouble. Now the poor dad has to deal with her out by his car while trying to get her into her seat. Other kids have learned that time out in front of mom is no fun because then they get in trouble from mom too.
• I always say, “This is not acceptable or you don’t behave this way when Mom/Dad is not here so it is not acceptable when mom/dad is here.” Say it right so the parents hear it and be matter of fact and stick to the rules, I have put children in time out right in front of the parents, until they go out the door the rules are the same. Better to get it done sooner than later, always prepare the children for pickup, it helps them to transition better. Maybe have them coloring or quiet activity when it is time for parents to come. They prefer it to be calmer as well. Then you have some moments to discuss the day if you wish without a lot of interruptions. Good Luck. Remember you are in control and they look to you for direction all day.
• The excitement of seeing the parent at my home daycare winds the children up at times. I have good parents though that let me enforce my rules up until they step out of the door. I had to put a child on time out for knocking all of the books down and not wanting to pick them up. The parent just sat down and waited for the child’s time to be up. Then when they got home the parent reinforced that they have to listen while at daycare by taking away the child’s TV time. It helps if the parent enforces your rules while there and while they are at home. This way you are both on the same page.
• I think this is common until you get a certain level of expectations from the kids. I have some try and I still correct them sternly while the parents are there more so making the child understand, your parents presence doesn’t change the rules. I also have all the kids cleanup one hour prior to closure and sit for movie or story during dismissal.. This makes a much smoother departure daily.
• I use to have that problem until I started putting a time out chair by the door, I let my parents know and the kids what it was for. I also let the parents and the kids know that rules still apply , no running, no moving in the time to go home spot. They sit in a line against the wall and wait for mommy and daddy. The kids are not allowed to go to the door until the parent comes inside. That time out chair by the door works perfectly.
• I simply say: “Since little Johnny can’t seem to remember our rules once you walk in, I need you to take his hand and leave with him quickly.”
• I just tell them that I will not change whether your parent is here or not. The same rules apply. I have children that ask for extra snack when their parents pick them up. I tell them that they had snack and that is enough. I actually have on parent call me “THE BOSS”. When they are at home and the child act up she say do u want me to call THE BOSS.
• Same rules apply when parents arrive. They use to yet it until I started enforcing those rules regardless and parents object. it shocked the kids and forced then to get it together or go to time out while your parent waits.
• If the parents do not help out, I inform that child as long as they are still in my home regardless of their parent being here they have to listen. I will discipline a child in front of their parent if need be. If a parent doesn’t like it then they can take their child elsewhere.
• I start from the beginning and say, “You are still at school and the rules still work even when Mommy or Daddy is here.” Or however for the age. It also lets the parents know you mean business and their child needs to behave or leave. I have put kids on time out that are hanging around too long and misbehaving. Kind of gets the parents in gear to leave.
• Talk to the parents and explain the situation. If the kids start to misbehave in their daycare setting because mom and dad are there it will only escalate. Tell the parents what you do so they are aware when you have to do it when they come and explain to them that they need to be on the same page.
• I prepare children 5 minutes before mom gets here, “when mommy gets here we stop playing and put on your shoes”. I also let them pick a sticker if she listens and gets ready well. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
• Pick your battles, this is one sometimes you cannot win…especially when you have a parent that does not discipline or correct their children, I have a parent when I correct the child mom coddles her and I come out the bad guy. The old saying “turn the other cheek is what I do when mom walks in the door my job stops right there.
• It’s called “5:00 Syndrome”. Children are challenging who is in charge, you or their parent. Since you can’t count on the parents to keep control, you have to decide that you are still the boss until the child walks out the door and still enforce all rules until that time even if it means reprimanding a child in front of their parent.
• Once they figure out you will treat them the same when their parents are there or not, they usually straighten up. However, when I first holler at them with their parents standing right there, they are shocked! LOL I just figure if the parents are not going to be respectful of my home and my things, then they can just hear it from me. None of them have ever said a thing about me disciplining their children – too bad we can’t discipline them as well!

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Daycare providers must deal with a wide range of behavioral issues as a part of normal toddler and preschooler development. One such behavioral issue is the proverbial toddler temper tantrum.

We interviewed Dr. Joyce Willard Teal, award-winning teacher and author of Are You Raising the Next Generation of Hoodlums? to find out the best tips for handling temper tantrums in family daycares and preschools.

OwnADaycare: When are temper tantrums a cause for concern?
Dr. Joyce Teal: Temper tantrums are a cause for concern when they occur with greater frequency intensity and duration than is typical.

OwnADaycare: When should children outgrow tantrums?
Dr. Joyce Teal: Since there is a normal developmental course for temper tantrums
(a) One and a half through two:  children at this age will test limits to see how far they can go before the parent or teacher stops the behavior;
(b) Three year olds: the children become less impulsive and can use language to express needs, but because they have learned by this age that a temper tantrum can get them what they want, they continue the tantrums, though they should become less frequent and less severe.
(c) By the age of four: most children have the necessary motor and physical skills to meet many of their own needs without relying so much on an adult. These children also have better language which allows them to articulate what they are angry or frustrated about. They are also at an age where they begin to understand compromise.
(d) By age five: most children will have outgrown temper tantrums, though kindergarten and school aged children can still have temper tantrums when they are faced with new interpersonal situations and/or demanding academic tasks that frustrate them.

OwnADaycare: Do you have any additional comments?
Dr. Joyce Teal: Prevention strategies for teachers and parents include:

• Add structure by establishing traditions and routines.
• When you are taking the child into a new situation, explain to him or her beforehand what the expectations are.
• Provide pre-academic, social and behavioral challenges that are at the child’s developmental level to prevent the frustration that can trigger a temper tantrum.
• If the child is 12 – 18 months of age, pick him/her up and remove the child from the larger group. Stay with the child and speak soothingly to him/her until the child has calmed down. Do not leave the child alone. If the child is two – 3 years of age, he or she still has fairly rudimentary reasoning skills, consequently your explanations will probably be useless.

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Daycare providers must deal with a wide range of behavioral issues as a part of normal toddler and preschooler development. One such behavioral issue is the proverbial toddler temper tantrum.

We interviewed Dr. Joyce Willard Teal, award-winning teacher and author of Are You Raising the Next Generation of Hoodlums? to find out the best tips for handling temper tantrums in family daycares and preschools.

OwnADaycare: What is a temper tantrum and are there different types of them?
Dr. Joyce Teal: A temper tantrum is emotional behavior that can range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They’re equally common in girls and boys and usually occur from age 1 to age 4. There are different types of them since they range from somewhat mild to severe.

OwnADaycare: Why do preschool-aged children throw temper tantrums?
Dr. Joyce Teal: Primarily due to frustration. But children will also throw tantrums when they are tired, hungry, uncomfortable or seeking attention. Consider how your frustration as an adult manifests itself. Perhaps there are times when you have kicked an object, slammed a door or thrown a glass out of frustration. This is an adult version of a temper tantrum. In the process trying to master their world and when they aren’t able to accomplish a task, toddlers sometimes use one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration — a temper tantrum.

OwnADaycare: What can preschool teachers do when a child throws a tantrum?
Dr. Joyce Teal: The appropriate response depends upon the age of the preschool child who throws the tantrum. However, some basic rules apply:

The teacher and/or parent should always maintain his or her cool. The child will sense if either becomes frustrated, and this can complicate or escalate the problem
Breathe deeply and think clearly. If this is a recurring situation with a certain child, pay particular attention to what triggers the tantrum.

OwnADaycare: Are there ways to prevent temper tantrums?
Dr. Joyce Teal: Even the most good-natured  toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. Temper tantrums are considered a normal part of development. However, the best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them altogether. The following strategies can help.

• Keep items that are off-limits not only out of the child’s reach, but when possible, out of sight
• Take advantage of the child’s short attention span and distract him/her with something else.
• Give the child plenty of attention to assure that he/she is not “acting out” just to get your attention.
• Offer choices so that your toddler will feel that he/she has some control.
• Compliment the child frequently for appropriate responses.
• Ignore the tantrum (if it is no threat to the child or others) and continue your activity (but do not leave the child alone during this time). Sometimes the tantrum is an attention-getter).
• Be aware of your child’s limits. For example, if you know that your child is tired or hungry, this is not a good time for a visit to the food market.

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Separation anxiety is a stage of development in which children become anxious, nervous, or scared upon separation from a parent and is normal in preschool and daycare. Children may cry and cling to parents at daycare center drop-off time, need a carry a security item throughout the day, and/or cry at pick up time. Separation anxiety typically peaks between the ages of 12 months and two years.

Our interview with Lonna Corder, Director of SF preschool and parenting coach, discusses the issue of separation anxiety in the daycare and preschool setting.

OwnADaycare: What are some factors that contribute to separation anxiety? What factors can reduce separation anxiety?

Lonna Corder: Without a doubt the biggest concern for the young child is when will mommy be back? However, the often overlooked concern is does mommy REALLY trust this place and these people? Parents must be absolutely sure of their pre school and the teachers. Even unspoken concerns will be passed on to children through body language. Parents should always think, “The walls have ears” when living with children. If mommy has tears so will the child, often out of concern for mommy!

OwnADaycare: Can you provide some tips to help preschool teachers or daycare providers manage separation anxiety in their students?

Lonna Corder: Here are some simple things preschool teachers can do to help everyone adjust:

• Provide a time when new children and parents can come to spend time in the class alone with all the teachers. Let the family explore and notice what engages the child. When they leave assure the child the activity will be there when they return.
• Kindly, but firmly require parents to leave when it is time. No parent has ever successfully “hidden” to spy. Children need to know that when mommy comes back I go home.
• Even the most anxious and distraught child has a few moments of happiness.
• Do not share in front of the child, EVER, e mail parents as often as every day to give positive feedback. Rarely is the situation so bad a child must stop coming.
• Always be prepared for the situation to be so bad a child must stop coming.
• Teachers must be aware that not every environment is right for every child. Self directed children can be very frustrated and dread a teacher directed class while the less self directed child will be lost and lonely in a free choice environment.

OwnADaycare: What are some suggestions for preschool teachers or daycare providers for dealing with anxious parents?

Lonna Corder: Anxious parents must be treated with care and respect, this is their child, be as loving as possible. I will call, e mail and send little notes to anxious parents. I want preschool to be positive for everyone in the family. Teachers can send the child home with something from school. This link can endear the whole family to your caring environment.

OwnADaycare: Do you have any Additional Comments?

Lonna Corder: Here are some tips for parents: There are simple guidelines to follow:

• Know the preschool well. Know, trust and look forward to your child’s time at school. Any doubt mommy has will be sensed by the child.
• Return only to take your child home. Condition your child to be secure in the fact that when mommy shows up she takes him home.

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