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As children develop, they learn the skills to be polite, cooperative and helpful. Along the way, it is the duty of parents and daycare providers to encourage and support appropriate behaviors. Two childcare experts give excellent tips for reinforcing good behavior in toddlers.

Suzy Martyn, Parenting Consultant, Speaker, and author of Enjoy the Ride: Tools, Tips, and Inspiration for the Most Common Parenting Challenges provides the following suggestions:

1. Model the desired behavior. If a toddler sees the behavior naturally in a parent or teacher, they are much more apt to do it when directed so.
2. Encourage and affirm. It takes 7 positive statements to make up for a negative one so our children need to hear much more praise in order to accept any direction.
3. Intervene and guide earlier rather than later. Sometimes children can work out conflict or direct their own behavior in a positive manner but most of the time, they can benefit from an adult noticing early on when he/she needs some guidance, direction, and reminder in order to get them back on track before he/she gets too far off.
4. Read books, watch movies, and talk often about examples of good behavior.
5. Notice when someone is behaving well and comment about it. Make it something desirable to attain.
6. Start fresh after each conflict is resolved. Don’t bring up old mistakes or make children feel hopeless, criticized, or defeated.
7. Talk about your own experiences and how your good behavior brought about good things.

Zohra Sarwari, professional speaker, author, and home schooling mother of three, provides the following tips:

1. Sit with your child away from the fight, and ask questions.  Let your child answer the questions for you.  For example: When you toddler grabs a toy from someone else, ask him or her how they would feel if this happened to them?”  Give them a toy that belongs to you and ask them how would you like to give that back to me?  Should I grab it or ask you for it?
2. Make a chart for good deeds.  Every time they do a good deed check it on the chart.  Or put a sticker on the chart.
3. Explain to them how feelings work, and what makes us sad, and what makes us happy.  Ask them which feeling do they like most and which one do they not like?
4. Make sure that your toddler isn’t hungry or tired, and that is why they are acting out.  I always carry extra snacks, and make sure they take their nap, at nap time.
5. Always have many different activities available for your toddler.  An active mind is a happy mind.  I always make sure that I have books, puzzles, numbers, pencil and paper.
6. Ask them what is wrong?  Listen to them explain it to you, and then address the problem.  Many times as parents we jump to conclusions, and deal with a problem without knowing what the root problem is.  Take a few minutes, and find out what is really bothering your child.

Remember that no child is perfect and part and good behavior is a skill set that must developed. In the meantime, your best bet for dealing with behavior issues with toddlers in child care centers is to set clear boundaries, to be firm, calm when issues arise and always follow through. Consistency is the key. Then remember to emphasize and reinforce appropriate behaviors in order to encourage children on an appropriate behavioral path.

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It is to be anticipated that daycare providers and preschool teachers will deal with whining and difficult behavior by the children in their care. Many young children throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. A temper tantrum is a negative emotional reaction exhibited by a young child that can involve hitting, crying, screaming, spitting, or refusing to comply with requests.  Young children do yet have the skills to cope with many difficult situations.  This is because they have not developed the language to express their frustrations, needs, wants, or protests. In addition, they have not developed self control. This results in “acting out”. These skills, along with the ability to reflect and plan, develop with age.

Temper Tantrums and Development

There is a normal developmental course for temper tantrums according to Dr. Joyce Willard Teal, author of Are You Raising the Next Generation of Hoodlums?

One and a half through two:  Children at this age will test limits to see how far they can go before the parent or teacher stops the behavior.

Three year olds: The children become less impulsive and can use language to express needs, but because they have learned by this age that a temper tantrum can get them what they want, they continue the tantrums, though they should become less frequent and less severe.

By the age of four: Most children have the necessary motor and physical skills to meet many of their own needs without relying so much on an adult. These children also have better language which allows them to articulate what they are angry or frustrated about. They are also at an age where they begin to understand compromise.

By age five: Most children will have outgrown temper tantrums, though kindergarten and school aged children can still have temper tantrums when they are faced with new interpersonal situations and/or demanding academic tasks that frustrate them.

How to Manage Temper Tantrums

One of the major keys to controlling a temper tantrum is to avoid reacting emotionally to the tantrum. Do not lecture, yell, or put the child in timeout. Remain calm and collected. Also avoid reasoning with the child.

When a child tantrums, it means he or she did not have a better way to handle a situation.  When running a daycare, childcare providers need to make the situation less stressful for the child and teach them a better way to handle the situation.

More importantly, it is essential to shut a tantrum down as soon as possible and to do so consistently. This gives the child the clear message that tantrums do not pay off.  If adults inconsistently give into the child who is having a tantrum, the child thinks this actually is behavior that will be rewarded.

There are two choices for handing a temper tantrum. You can either let the tantrum run its course, remaining calm or redirect the child to some other thing or activity such as a toy, a book, or offering to take the child for a walk.  When the tantrum is over spend some time with the child showing them better ways of asking for what they want.  This goes hand in hand with teaching manners and can also be implemented in a lesson plan.

Consistency Prevents Temper Tantrums

Consistency will prevent tantrums. Children will learn they will not get their way by throwing a tantrum and adults will not negotiate with such behavior. Talk to parents about how you are dealing with temper tantrums at daycare. When parents transition children into a daycare, they must also be consistent with managing these behaviors as well. Remember that lectures, emotional reactions, and timeout are all equally as rewarding as the child getting his or her way. The bottom line is if the child discovers this behavior does not reward him, the tantrums will end.

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